Yielded

Numbed in spirit, soul and body, I pressed my face against the cement floor while The Lord’s Prayer played softly in the background.

Our Father….

O Father! Daddy! Papa God!

Hallowed be Thy Name…

I know You are holy, but how can You be just? If you are just, why didn’t you stop my husband from leaving? As a true Proverbs 31 wife I did all the right things. You say “the king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD and [You] direct it wherever [You please].” (Proverbs 21:1) Why didn’t you direct my husband’s heart back to the wife he vowed to love forever?

Thy kingdom come…

Yes, please come and rescue me from this mess. End the torture now. This earth holds no pleasure for me anymore.

Thy will be done….

Yes, do Your will! Surely it is Your will for my husband to return. Surely it is Your will for us to reconcile. Do Your will and bring him back.

On earth…

It’s real painful down here. I can’t think about spiritual stuff when my heart is breaking. How can I find heavenly peace in an earthly hell?

As it is in heaven…

Take me now. I want to die. I want out of this mess. I want to be in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread…

How am I going to make ends meet without his income? How can I survive alone?

And forgive us our debts…

Did I sin, God? Is it my fault he left?

As we forgive our debtors…

What? I have to forgive him? He cheated. He lied. He left. You expect me forgive him?

And lead us not into temptation…

I want to get even. How badly I want to hurt him as much as he has hurt me

But deliver us from evil…

“Vengeance is Mine”, says the LORD. “I will repay”.

For Thine is the kingdom…

O God, forgive my sin. Forgive these black thoughts. It’s not about me. It’s about You and Your purpose for my life.

And the power…

I know that You are strong enough to see me through this valley.

and the glory…

whatever happens, I bow my heart in humble adoration

forever…

from here on out, Lord

Amen.

As the last Amen of the prayer ended, pure peace settled over my body as a billowy cloud, soaked into my soul and rested in my spirit.

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
Psalm 126:5

The Privilege of Pain

I want to know Christ
and the power of his resurrection
and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings...
Philippians 4:10

I very much want to know Christ more intimately and the idea of his resurrection power is very cool...but...the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings? That doesn't sound good at all.

Have you ever lost someone or something very dear to you? Who do you turn to at such a time?
One who has experienced the same thing, right?

I remember exactly where I was the moment I first thanked God for a divorce that almost destroyed my spirit...while praying with a woman going through the same thing...

My own suffering and experience gave me credibility in her eyes. While I prayed with her, my heart soared in thankfulness that I was God's hands and feet to a fellow hurting human.

The privilege of pain is twofold: Greater intimacy with our God and credibility to minister to others in like circumstances.

How ever did God manage to run things before I showed up to "help"?

Have any of you readers watched a person dear to your heart go through a hard time? My dearest husband has been going through a rough period for about five years. The hardest thing to do is...NOTHING.

When God is working in the heart and spirit of our loved one, the best thing we can do is NOTHING...except PRAY. Especially we women...we want to fix everyone's boo-boos...
especially those of our spouse or kids.

The one clear word I heard from God about my husband's situations was "this is between ME and him." It was God's way of saying...keep your nose out of it! Or, in plainer English...BUTT out!

Well, I have cried and I have prayed. Occasionally, when my husband has asked for my opinion, I have given it. But, to date...I have NOT tried to FIX IT.

God taught me that when we try to "fix" situations...we are treading in His territory. Not a good place to be.

Take heart, Beloved. Continue to pray. Continue to wait. And always know that God is good! Always!

Broken Heart-Broken Chains

Some wandered in desert wastelands…
They were hungry and thirsty,
And their lives ebbed away.
Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And he delivered them from their distress.
He led them by a straight way…
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
And his wonderful deeds for men,
For he satisfied the thirsty
And fills the hungry with good things.

Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom,
Prisoners suffering in iron chains.
They cried to the LORD in their trouble,
And he saved them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness…
And broke away their chains.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
And his wonderful deeds for men.
Psalm 107: 4-15

Beloved Friends,
Do you have anything in your life that binds you as chains? Fear? Unforgiveness? Anxiety? Injustice at the hands of others?

For years I wandered in the wasteland of uncertainty and unworthiness bound by countless fears.

Then I was abandoned by my husband. I faced two choices. Dig an emotional pit to protect me from all the ugliness of life, or run to my Papa God. I chose the latter. Slowly, he healed all the heart wounds. Today I shout the above verses taken from Psalm 107 for their truth! Many bad things have happened in my lifetime………..BUT!
I give thanks to my LORD, my Lover, my Friend for HIS UNFAILING LOVE!

Cry out to the LORD. Only HE can break the chains that bind us and keep us from living the full, abundant life he promises!

God Works in Mysterious Ways

When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Genesis 30:31


Numerous times in the Bible we see God “opening and shutting” wombs: Sarah, Michal, Hannah, Elizabeth, to name but a few.

After our marriage, I learned my first husband was sterile. I wasn’t upset when I learned the news because I knew God still had power to “open and shut” wombs. I fully expected God would reverse my husband’s sterility and we would have our own biological children to raise holy before the LORD.

Years passed. God did not answer my prayers or reward my faith.
Correction: God did not answer my prayers or reward my faith the way I expected him to.

Why? Because God knew the future and I didn’t. After 22 years of marriage, my husband abandoned me. In tears, I thanked God we had no biological children to suffer the pain of divorce.

Was I robbed of children? Absolutely not. I have mentored exchange students, prisoners, family members and others. So many young people call me “Mom” that when asked how many children do I have—my favorite response is “I forget.”

No More Fear

Soon after my 1st husband abandoned me, God spoke the title words to me VERY clearly: NO MORE FEAR. At the time, I thought he meant no more fear of my husband. But what he meant was, no more fear in my life...Period.

After an unwanted divorce, God began to gently work on every OTHER fear in my life, and today....he is working on another!!! Fear of technology!!! YUK!

For a long time, I have maintained a "ten-second rule." If I don't get the technology in ten seconds...I'm outta here!

I have started this blog for the purpose of interacting with, encouraging and learning from my sisters all over the world! To do so, I must master some technology...so hang on and let's enjoy the ride!